It’s Better to Not Burn Out And Not Fade Away: Burn Out and Self Care

It’s Better to Not Burn Out And Not Fade Away

Neil Young once sang that “it’s better to burn out than fade away” a line that became synonymous with the death of Kurt Cobain. Although both of these men have almost god-like status in our household I can't apply their words of wisdom to the social care sector. It is universally acknowledged that burning out is dangerous and fading away can be just as harmful.

When I first heard the phrase burn out, it sounded dramatic. I imagined people reaching a point of no return: an epic meltdown that involves throwing your laptop through the window, punching a colleague in the nose or ripping off your shirt like the incredible hulk/ Nicholas Cage, and screaming “I can’t take this any more” in an inexplicably trafficless rainy street. This, laptop throwing, colleague punching, shirt ripping hulk-Cage figure would never be me, I will never be a victim of burnout, I thought.

When I first heard the phrase self-care I thought it sounded a bit like stating the obvious. I felt a bit patronised by the idea that I couldn't look after myself. I understood that I’d entered a profession that involved working with people whose lives were chaotic and that this would sometimes be difficult emotionally. But the idea that I would have to consciously pay attention to keeping my cool seemed unlikely.

However burnout caught up with me, just not in the way I thought it would. Like I said, I expected an event, a career changing catastrophe, but for me it was, and is, a lot more like fading away. As I'm sure my colleagues can attest, when work gets stressful and I'm not paying attention to self care, I become increasingly cranky (a bit like a hungry three year old or that beardy bloke who turns into Joan Collins on the snickers advert) I could cry if someone says anything remotely horrible or remotely sentimental and I become virtually unable to deal with anything that doesn't involve my job. I can spend all day advocating for my customers, fighting for their rights and supporting them to do the same, but the thought of going home and making a routine phone call about my gas bill makes me want to curl up in a ball and sleep until spring.

Loads of stuff on your mind.

 The first time this happened to me I questioned whether I was in the right job, I knew I loved working with people with multiple needs and I knew I believed in systems change but I doubted whether I was tough enough for it. But because I don’t like anyone to tell me I’m not tough enough for anything, even if that person is me, I began to give a bit more thought to the idea of self care and combating burnout.

I found these burnt-out sea creatures on a walk...

For me self-care (although I’ve literally never referred to it as that out loud) just means the decisions I deliberately make, or don’t make, to ensure that I am able to do my job as best I can and feel happy and relaxed when I go home at night.

Some of these decisions are as follows

1. I threw my hands-free kit out of the window (not literally)

Until I’d really sussed out this self-care business I felt my problem came from not being productive enough, so I brought a hands free kit so that I could productively use the ‘down time’ I had driving from appointment to appointment to answer calls.

This was the worst idea anyone’s had since they built the millennium dome.

Instead of having five minutes to yourself to process your last visit and prepare for the next I was throwing myself into whatever was going on over the phone and feeling like I was letting people down when the time came to end the call prematurely or arrive at the next visit late. I gave myself a talking to that went a bit like this:

“You’re not an emergency service and you’re not that important, you’ll be much more use to people if you ring them back when you've got time to give them your full attention.”

So I ditched the handsfree kit and brought some new CDs and a coconut air freshener, as a support worker you’re in your car a lot, you might as well make it somewhere you want to be.... And somewhere that smells like coconuts.

2. I decided to go to work less

I recognised that the work day was getting longer, through pressure from noone but myself I was getting to work earlier and leaving later in a bid to catch my own tail. When you work with people your job is never finished, your ‘to do’ list will only get longer and if you stayed at work without a break for three years you wouldn’t get on top of everything. So when you can, have a  lunch break and come and go on time.

4.I exercise…. Sort of.

People bang on about a healthy body, healthy mind and I know they’re right. On the occasions where I can drag myself to the gym, I really do have more energy, I sleep better and I’m so busy thinking about how much I hate the gym that I don’t think about work. But I would always rather be on the sofa eating crisps.

5.Self care is about looking after one another

Self care doesn't just mean taking care of number one. The job we do is difficult, we are expected to remain impartial, none-judgemental, empathetic and comforting, whilst we take on the roles of adviser, advocate, confidante, first aider, counsellor, motivator and sounding board, just to name a few.You’re not a bad support worker if you admit that this is no easy task and that sometimes it gets a bit much. Your colleagues will all feel the same from time to time, so recognise the signs in one another and give people a hug, or a high five, or a cigarette, or some encouragement. Whatever works.

In conclusion, know the signs, accept it, acknowledge it, stay in bed an extra ten minutes, stick some music on, switch your phone off, go for a run, have a holiday, say no sometimes and cut yourself some slack. You’re trying your best.

Here's some music:
Neil Young: Hey, Hey, My, My

And if you’d like to read more about burn out, I’d recommend starting here:

http://www.socialworker.com/feature-articles/field-placement/What_I_Wish_I_Had_Known_Burnout_and_Self-Care_in_Our_Social_Work_Profession/